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Monday, 05 January 2009

Write or Wrong?

For the past couple of days I've been wondering about how to pray to God. I'm a writer, so I tend to communicate a tad bit better through a pen and paper. So, I solicited the help of my prayer partner as well as my own prayers in seeking God on this matter. What is most acceptable to Him? Sometimes I feel like writing out my prayers can be a cop out. Like I don't feel like talking today Lord so I'll just write instead. But we're supposed to sacrafice our feelings for God. If I didn't do alot of things because of the way that I felt then I would NEVER do anything.
I feel more comfortable writing because it's what I do. Is God pleased with that? I'm reminded of the scripture that says, "death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat it's fruit" and even in James where it says that even the greatest most powerful horse is controlled by a tiny bit in it's mouth. So if what we say has so much power then why NOT pray out loud? Especially when they word of God encourages us to speak those things that are not as though they are (Romans 4:17).
So what does that mean? I think that sometimes God will answer prayers with answers that leave us even more confused than when we first asked the question. For instance, Me: God should I turn left or right? God: Go the way in which I have told you. Me: HUH?!?! So does that mean right or left? Sometimes the answers to our most complex questions are as simple as yes or no and most of the time, they are right infront of our faces.
I prayed this prayer about whether or not to pray outloud or write out my prayers and signed onto Revelife and the question of the day just so happened to be "How do you approach God?" and God spoke to me through that blog:
"I think the key to not become unbalanced is to come to God with our whole selves, that is, our heart, our minds, our bodies, our spirits. Every part of us that we know how to use, we ought to use to worship God with. Deut 6:5 says that we ought to worship God with all of our heart, mind, soul, and strength."
~mo_chic_for_jesus
I love to write. I'm a journalism major, a poet, and an author. That's what I do and God is using my writing to further my ministry. But, do I only use this outlet to speak to Him? No, His answer was as simple as that. Writing to me is good, praying out loud is good, meditating is good, reciting scriptures is great. But I want ALL of you. Not just 1/4. So if that means you are laid prostrate with a journal and a pen in one hand, iPod in the other, writing a poem and singing praise and worship songs then that's what I want. I want your heart, your mind, your soul and ALL of your strength. I give it all to you oh God! I surrender!
Ask yourself...how do I approach my Heavenly Father?
Hannah-like relationship w/God

I wanted to re-post this for the revelifers. It was a post that I wrote a while back on xanga. Enjoy!
Hannah-like relationship w/God
"A worthy goal it would be for a woman to have a Hannah-like relationship with God."

The quote above is from a devotional I have called "Take a Closer Look" by Jan Kern. It's a devotional for women and at night I'll flip through the table of contents and find a title that sticks out to me and read that one. The titles don't really tell you much about the devotional but this one was called "The Promise." Now when you read that....you automatically think God's promise right? yea, that's what I thought too, which is why I flipped to the 224th page in the book and began reading. But for all of those who know the story of Hannah, we know that it was HER promise that this devotional was talking about.

"Once after a sacrificial meal at Shiloh, Hannah got up and went to pray. Eli the priest was sitting at his customary place beside the entrance of the Tabernacle. Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord. And she made this vow: “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.” -1 Samuel 1:9-11

Sidenote: I've heard this story a million times - told by others but never had I read it for myself. So after being completely ministered to by my devotional (lol) I open my Bible and read the first chapter of 1 Samuel and one thing that stuck in my mind was the fact that Hannah's husband asked her "why are you crying...you got me, isn't that enough?" It does not say Hannah's response, but I could only imagine her saying with a pat to her husband's chest, "it's ok honey...you don't understand." So in other words, she loved her husband but this was her heart's desire and had been for a while so no amount of comfort from him would ease her anguish. Sometimes, I feel this way with God. I feel like God says the exact words to me that Elkanah said to Hannah. "Aren't I enough?" and of course God is enough! Why do I cry? I believe that God knows the condition/state of my heart. He knows the things that need to be cleanse, the things that need to be put in and taken out so I know that He understands my anguish when I say, "Lord I need to know SOMETHING!" I was talking to Kim the other day about relationships and she was saying that it's not that far away, it's right around the corner. I wish God would call me and let me know that cause I feel like it hasn't even left the house yet. Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is...this showed me that it is ok to have those desires as long as I'm not pushing God to side and saying...you don't matter Lord, I just want a MAN! lol

Anyway, that was a major sidenote but back to Hannah's promise. In this case the promise was flipped. Hannah made a promise to God and she kept it and God blessed her with even more children.

Another sidenote: it never says that Hannah was barren. It never says she couldn't give birth - it just said she didn't have any children. So God withheld that blessing for a reason. So that her relationship with him could grow and when she finally got what her heart desired, all glory be to God. She gave her gift back to him. WOW Same thing people have been telling me for a while now.

So Hannah made a promise to God and when God answered her prayer, Hannah didn't even hesistate or think twice about what she had said. Shoot...I know if it was me and I made a promise like that to God and He finally granted my prayer I'd be like "Umm, well can I keep him for a few more years God? THEN I'll give him to you." Nah, as SOON as Samuel was weened she was like "alright, let's go. I got a promise to keep!" that's what I'm talking bout! Her relationship with God was just that great that she was able to give her son to God's work and still be satisfied with the blessing that God had given her. The devotional said it very well, "Hannah had a daily relationship with God. This helped her more naturally see him as someone she could believe in and trust with everything. God was more than a concept or belief system. She spent her life learning about him and getting to know his steady character, and how he interacted with people. She talked to him and sang to him, laughed and cried with him. It was an easy matter to take her requests to God, and a gift from him would certainly be recognized - and trust in his care." WOW...do we have relationships like that with God? That we trust him with our most beloved? smh...I can honestly say that I don't. I really don't. I mean I worry about stuff, I'm constantly blown when I see everybody else with men or potential men and I'm still over here by myself. Sometimes I don't trust God enough to give him even the smallest problems or concerns so I know I won't be able to give BACK a blessing.

The whole time I was reading about Hannah, I was thinking about my marriage. This is my Samuel. This is what I'm praying for. Can I trust God to say, "Lord, I pray for a man to marry me and when I get it I will give my marriage completely over to you." AH! I have too many control issues for that. I wanna feel like I'm in control of everything so if I give my marriage over to God that means that we both are to his discretion. Ok Lord, you want us to move our ministry to Florida? Ok...we're leaving in the morning. Ok Lord, you want us to hold off on having children till we're 35? Ok, Lord...will do. Lord you want us to be in ministry full time? Ok, we quit our jobs. I was just thinking about how giving up my marriage to the Lord would be completely against what my flesh wants to do but I know that the only way that I want to live is for God. So if that means that I have to give something that means so much to me BACK to God then so be it. But I have a lot of work to do before I can get to that point and do it without hesitation.

With all that said, I'm trying to have a Hannah-like relationship with God. I'm learning about Him, understanding FULLY that He is the same God that answered Hannah's prayers. Like He's no different. It's still Him. Learning to trust God with everything and to be able to say Lord, thank you for this blessing, I trust you enough to take care of it.